It is really hard to go to church where you know no one. It is really hard to go to Church after a 18 or 20 year absence. Every person there is a stranger to you. It couldn't be hard to spot someone that is not familiar and say hello, my name is Jill and welcome to Church.

For nearly two years I have been approaching people who all know each other and still look right through me when I speak and seldom glance my way while I, the stranger, continue to keep trying to approach people and strike up a conversation or friendship.

I haven't been much in the last couple of months, and guess what? They don't notice or care. I realize that it is important for my salvation to be there. But I am trying to change everything in my life and just don't seem to be measuring up. I can't tell you how many people tell me I should be the one to speak....I am! Is this going to last forever?? I don't think so because it is beginning to make me feel too bad about myself.

For three months I have asked for a new Visiting Teaching companion because mine won't go and I have no transportation. The visiting teaching coordinator is always so rude that I haven't been able to go that when she called my house the last time I told her to never call my house again. I talked to the RS Pres. about this. She said she would put me on a new route....she didn't. She told me our ward is nothing but a great big joke. Well I am not laughing...I am also not progressing. I can't do all this and am about to give up. I want the Gospel in my life and this is all so very hard that it seems like I just can not do it.

I am writing just because it is so sad that people think it is too much to ask of them to fellowship somebody that is drowning before their very eyes. Yes it is a two way street but did it ever occur to you that their car might have just run out of gas on that street. Maybe just getting to Church used up all the faith they could muster.

It isn't up to us to decide whether or not someone is doing their part. Doesn't anyone out there care at all about whether their brothers and sisters are able to gain eternal life? Is it really that difficult to care about people? Does it tax our energies that much to love and fellowship one of our Heavenly Fathers children?

If this seems too hard to do for some people then I wish I had had the easy lives they must have had to make them think it is just too difficult to show love for others. If they didn't have an open-heart they wouldn't be at Church.