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It is really
hard to go to church where you know no one. It is really hard to go to
Church after a 18 or 20 year absence. Every person there is a stranger
to you. It couldn't be hard to spot someone that is not familiar and say
hello, my name is Jill and welcome to Church.
For nearly two years I have been
approaching people who all know each other and still look right through
me when I speak and seldom glance my way while I, the stranger, continue
to keep trying to approach people and strike up a conversation or
I haven't been much in the last couple
of months, and guess what? They don't notice or care. I realize that it
is important for my salvation to be there. But I am trying to change
everything in my life and just don't seem to be measuring up. I can't
tell you how many people tell me I should be the one to speak....I am!
Is this going to last forever?? I don't think so because it is beginning
to make me feel too bad about myself.
For three months I have asked for a new
Visiting Teaching companion because mine won't go and I have no
transportation. The visiting teaching coordinator is always so rude that
I haven't been able to go that when she called my house the last time I
told her to never call my house again. I talked to the RS Pres. about
this. She said she would put me on a new route....she didn't. She told
me our ward is nothing but a great big joke. Well I am not laughing...I
am also not progressing. I can't do all this and am about to give up. I
want the Gospel in my life and this is all so very hard that it seems
like I just can not do it.
I am writing just because it is so sad
that people think it is too much to ask of them to fellowship somebody
that is drowning before their very eyes. Yes it is a two way street but
did it ever occur to you that their car might have just run out of gas
on that street. Maybe just getting to Church used up all the faith they
It isn't up to us to decide whether or
not someone is doing their part. Doesn't anyone out there care at all
about whether their brothers and sisters are able to gain eternal life?
Is it really that difficult to care about people? Does it tax our
energies that much to love and fellowship one of our Heavenly Fathers
If this seems too hard to do for some
people then I wish I had had the easy lives they must have had to make
them think it is just too difficult to show love for others. If they
didn't have an open-heart they wouldn't be at Church.